Why can't I be me!

It's really irritating when people judge you on appearences and not by character. How many times have we heard the term "looks can be deceiving." The quote is true we do pay more attention to the "vices than the virtues of people." It's so hard to treat people the way you want to be treated when they are not doing it in return. What do you do?? Do you become passive or agressive?? I have never been an ass kisser and won't start it today. Everyone should have to run the same coarse and finish it the same as well. Nothing to see here I'm just venting to keep from screaming and waking up the kids. The show is over.

When there is no extended family

Today I sat and thought about what my life was like before I had children. I looked back and thought Wow! Is this where I was fighting so hard to get to. Due to my own childhood lacking a lot of things. My dreams were always to have a large family and help others like me. I love all my children very much and supply them with all the love and support I never received. Still, there is a little part of me that longs for extended family to be part of our lives. My family wasn't very big and the family I grew up with has passed on. My husband family we were never close to and they live in a diffrent state. So, I feel bad my kids don't have the luxuries of grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Though my husband could provide this if we had a closer relationship to his family. I could not. I never had extended family either. I remember watching friends that had siblings and cousins. I hated being an Only child and still do. I love my life and my family. It would just be nice sometimes to have a close relationship with someone on my level that offered support. I have tons of childhood friends but, we are all on diffrent paths in life. There is not much we relate to anymore. People feel I'm diffrent and I am. I grew up and have experienced a lot of diffrent things and embraced them. I moved on with life why a lot of them are standing still. Seeing things from a diffrent prospective shows growth and development. A lot of people don't understand that. As my life becomes diffent from theirs I am now the boring one. Sorry if being family orientated seems boring. I embrace it whole heartedly. I do long for a close friendship with someone whom we share some common interest. I meet and talk with people all the time. It just seems like everyone is not taking new friend applications and not welcoming newcomers. It's like being that outcast in high school. You just don't fit into anyones clique.

When sperm donors return

What should one expect when they leave a child at birth and never parented them?? Definately not a parent child relationship. Expecially if the child has had a father since they were six months old. That has raised them and been there for them almost their entire life. How can you come back 15 years later ready to be a father cause it took you that long to get your life together. Proclaiming that you have now found God and want to do what is right. You gave her up for adoption at age 4 and her father is in deed her father in every aspect. So, why come back now and try to disrupt her life?? When you know you are suppose to wait until she is 18 and wants contact with you. Now that you are missing something and feeling a void in your life its more important for you to be hasty and do it now. You didn't get the response you were expecting. Why am I not surprised. She has no void at this time and says maybe oneday she will meet you but, for now you are just seen as that person whom she shares DNA. Someone she has never known and feels at the moment doesn't need to know. She doesn't wonder about you because I shared the positive stories about you and photos. Some how the negative and feeling of you being an ex convict doesn't make one want to run and meet you to become a part of your life since thats what you chose over parenting. You say she is flesh of your flesh your seed. Thats all there is. It takes a lot to be a father and donating DNA doesn't classify you as that. Your philosophies and bible thumbing does not make the situation seem better or make me run to make her want to know you. You've done nothing diffrent from any other excon to me. Whewn I mentioned support you disregaurded every part of that paragraph and never spoke of it. Though you feel its important to know you its just as important for you to contribute financial support. I knew that would never happen. Oh, so now your content and ready to wait until shes 18. I knew it all along you were singing that same old song. Its not about her its about you. As always.

Torn to move on

We have been wanting to relocate for about a year now. We hate the fact of moving our kids again but, things aren't exactly what they seem. We have lived in Minnesota 6 years and have not really build any foundation. We have no family here and none anyway that we are really close to. People we have met seem very nice on the surface but, no friendships have come of it. We have been involved in many things to meet people. Even tried keeping in touch but, the other parties lacked interest. We even attended a Church that seemed very nice to us but, later people fizzled there too. I'm not sure how you become a part of something here. Everyone seems content with just being with their families and old friends. No interest in getting to know any new people. I've heard other transplants say this as well so , i know its not only me. I just wonder how those that get into a circle make it in. Minnesota has been a lonely place for our family and with the cold winters its worst. The kids make friends easily but, never that very best friend we all grow up with. Its sort of the same with the kids. You have to really be liked by someone to be included. I've noticed too that if someone likes you they may do something with you every blue moon but, not really invite you in their group or circle.

Being that we are just sick of the harsh winters too. We are contemplating a move somewhere warm year around. I have been researching Arizona. If possible, we would like to move next year. I'm planning to visit in June. I don't really care if the people are friendly or not. I've sorta gotten use to it. I can find way more to do with warmer weather year around. I hate the feel of being stuck in the house because its winter. I'm also, not into outdoor winter activities. We just want to make the right move for our family.

Feeling Pissy! (Vent)

I feel that I am good friend and listener. It just pisses me off when I call someone to vent their not interested and putting me off. The minute something goes wrong in their lives my phone is ringing off the hook. I'm the compassionate listener trying to help them find a solution. Their issues are usually self created drama that could be avoided. How dare I come with my issues to vent and want them to listen. There world is just too busy when my time comes.

I'm so sick of how fake and uncompassionate people are when its not their needs being met.

How is it I always meet these people and why are they sent to me! I feel like a person that always attract abusive mates. What have I done so wrong that I don't deserve a decent friendship where its give and take. I'm always given the takers. Why Me!

Hide and Seek

The Culprit

Sweet and sassy strikes again. The missing goes lost underneath the princess' bed until someone notices its no where to be found. We wonder why we have less cups and silverware, missing socks or that favorite toy. It has been found here.

As I change her sheets today I find a big red cup. When did she sneak that upstairs?? I wondered how she could had wet the bed when she didn't have a lot to drink before bed. Hmm I wonder if she is sneaking the cup to the bathroom through out the night for a drink but, wait she would then use the bathroom if this was possible. My sneaky 3 year old has a plan and I'm on a mission to figure it out. She could put water in it before bed and hides it. This one is very clever and her abilities shouldn't be denied. The saga continues.........

Thank You!

I just want to say thank you to all of my sisters at SNA for your comments of support and encouragement. Life hasn't been so easy lately and it helps a lot to read your kind words. I wish there were more people in the world like you guys.